In the previous blog, we wrote about the natural process of individuation, where we create a persona, called the False Self Pattern (FSP), which we present to the world as if it were a true picture of who we are.
This pattern develops from the original conclusion or False Belief, drawn when we first recognize ourselves as separate from the Ground of Being and our caregivers. We discussed how this pattern creates a contraction that keeps us from revealing our irreducibly unique expression of the Love Intelligence that is the initiating energy of all that is.
Recognizing our False Self Pattern is central to the Unique Self Emergence Process.
This first step, which allows us to start distancing ourselves from identifying with these deeply engrained patterns and beliefs, is the key to transformation.
According to developmental psychologist Dr. Robert Kegan, transformation occurs when you are able to step back and reflect on something about yourself that you previously couldn’t see and, as a result, you can then begin to change it. Kegan refers to this as the move from subject to object. Things that are subject to you are experienced as automatic and unquestioned; they can be sensations, emotions, thoughts or actions. Together, these aspects mesh into the deeply ingrained pattern, which we call the False Self Pattern. You can’t see the pattern, or its components, because it is part of what you take for granted, or what you don’t know about yourself. It is subject to you. Because you are unable to stand back and take a look, you can’t reflect upon the pattern. You literally can’t see what you can’t see!
I (Claire) grew up with the belief that “I am too much.”
For years, this belief was unknown to me and I was unable to see how it was hindering my authentic expression. As a result, I often felt that I couldn’t find my place in the world. As a child, I was shy and strove to be a “good girl” (trying to compensate for “I am too much“); as a teenager and a young adult, I was quite rebellious and intense, with a tendency to live on the jagged edge of things (hence validating that “I am too much.”)
Eventually I started to see how this False Self Belief and the pattern that I developed, was competing with my desire to step into the essential radiance of my Unique Self. Over time, recognizing what had once been subject to me gradually allowed it to become object. I could see how it had influenced my life. This recognition was the first step toward loosening the strong grip it had on me. Gradually, I became free and fluid, accepting myself and stepping more fully into who I really am.
Thus, the first step toward transformation is discovering your False Self Belief and the pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that grow from it. Once the belief has become object, you can embark on the journey of loosening its hold and beginning to discover who you really are.
In our first module of the Unique Self Emergence Process we introduce a series of practices designed to loosen the hold of your False Self Pattern.
As you can start to see and name what was once unknown, that which was subject becomes available to you and within your ability to reflect and act on it as object. You can’t change what you can’t see! Once you begin to see yourself more clearly, you can actively take charge and change your way of being in the world opening up to your essential and unique nature.